February 8

Well, I just had a bit of a traumatizing experience here in Tana. It seems like whenever I think that I might be starting to get comfortable here, I get a little bit of a wake up call. I was on my way to a museum with a bunch of people in my program, and we were in pick-pocket central, which I was aware of, so I was trying to pay attention my purse, but apparently I wasn't quite successful. I had it across my body, attached to my wrist, and my hand was holding it too, so I figured that there were three reasons why someone couldn't get it. Unfortunately, as we were walking along and about to cross the street, I turned just as a guy walked directly into the side of me that my purse was on. I said "azafady," which means excuse me, and then the guy who was right behind him grabbed my purse, yanked it really hard so that it broke, and it ran off with it, with the body strap and the wrist strap still attached to me. I yelled "NO!" then proceeded to swear, and then broke into tears. Of course this would happen to me for the second time in a five days. At least the first time when someone tried to take my camera, they weren't successful. I was so upset, because they stole all of my money (which was only the equivalent to 4 US dollars, but still very upsetting), my cell phone (which I've only had for a week), and my drivers license to name the most important things. I was so upset, and thankfully it's now been about two hours since then and I'm starting to gain some perspective and relax, but I was livid at the time. I just wanted to go home, and never come back to Madagascar. I was luckily not alone, so I had friends who could spot me a cab and a couple of friends who went with me back to our classroom. I don't know what I would have done without that support system there for me. But when I was looking out my cab window and there were a couple of children who came up to me asking for money, I was irritated. I know now that I was just emotional and upset, but I was so mad that after someone just stole all of my money, that someone would come up to me asking for more money. I was irritated that when I looked out my window, everyone seemed to be staring at me, the crazy crying Vazaha. However, I can find comfort in the fact that even though theft and crime is much more prevalent here than I would like, the Malagasy people do not at all find it acceptable or okay. In the moment, as I was crying and yelling after my purse was stolen, and saw everyone staring at me, I felt like I saw sympathy in their faces, which even though I felt angry at everyone in the country, it was comforting.

So now I have been trying to relax in my classroom and vent and talk through some things with my Academic Director via phone, and my friends who are here, and I've been able to calm down and gain some perspective, although I still definitely do not feel like going out for a while. I will be taking a cab home instead of walking, because I think I'd freak out if I had any more stimuli today. But now I'm just having trouble reconciling how I feel about the situation. Because even though I am pissed off, it is sad to know that there are so many people here in Tana who are so desperate that they feel like they need to steal things from other people. Part of me feels bad that they feel that sense of desperation, but at the same time, I'm livid and want to feel a sense of justice. I feel like I have been unjustly violated and it's definitely going to take some time to come to terms with.

Luckily I feel like I have a great program staff and friend group as a support system, so I am very thankful for that. I just hope that I learn from this experience and move forward in a positive way, and I don't just dwell on my anger, and my fear of walking along the streets here. Just knowing how it was such a violent attack, even when I was with four or so other people, makes me pretty uneasy. But from here on out, now that I don't have a purse, I will definitely wear a money belt and have at least a little bit of money in my shoe as well.